Colors

As I get older I realize, everyday more, writing is part of me, or I'd say part of what I need to feel good with myself.  I don't really like to expose my ideas to people openly, I don't enjoy exposing myself to people day-by-day but when the night comes I feel like I need to put it all out, as if I need to give myself a brief opportunity to share what's within. The questions is with whom.  As I got older I realized maybe a diary could help, why not a blog then?  And that's how it's been since I've felt this urge to write, I constantly build and destroy my blogs. I'm always re-giving myself the opportunity of sharing my thoughts and when my mind believes there is more than enough of me exposed I go and give myself the opportunity of going blank, I erase.

Nowadays, there is just about too many things I don't agree with in the world, way too many things that bother me and which I can't comprehend.  I'm a dreamer.  I'm a believer.  I dream and I believe.  I'm a little naive with certain things and growing up has shown me life is not always good, or fair as people would say.  I remember clearly that a few years ago, when I looked to the outside world I used to see the good in everyone, the good in all.  I used to believe everybody was nice, that nothing could or would go wrong.  It was all colorful.  Now, all I see is gray.  Somewhere along the road things lost their colors, or maybe I left it at some point.  I'm no longer a child and I've never imagined I'd think this kinda sucks.  It doesn't really suck.  


Where are all those colors I used to see in things tho?  They were naturally there, and now, I just feel that if I don't paint them they'll remain gray, forever.  I must paint my world, is that it?  Why is everything so colorless?  Actually it's like I can naturally see less colors, or a bad combination of colors.  Am I seeing wrong?  Is it something with my eyes?  


I'm looking forward into seeing life more colorful, I'm hoping I'll see a more colorful world, even if I have to put my own colors to it.  If that's what growing up does to us, okay, I'll do what I got to do hoping I can do it in a way other people can see and feel the same joy I do when I put colors into life.  May life allow me to color other people's lives just as I color mine, because I don't know how to live in a gray world, I can't live in a gray world...


I will NOT live in a gray world...


I will not, really.